Why do I ignore people

The silence: the disguised psychological abuse

Last update: December 24, 2017

Silence, it seems, is a strategy often used by people who claim to be in control of themselves and who claim to be sensible rather than emotional. At the same time, it is related not only to an expression of passive violence, but also to a hidden strategy of psychological abuse. That said, it can deeply hurt the person on the receiving end.

Silence is characterized by a series of behaviors aimed at ignoring the other. We see it in all kinds of relationships: couples, friends, parents and children, relatives, etc. The use of silence suggests a previous conflict. Sometimes, however, the victim of this type of behavior is unaware of the conflict, precisely because the other party has not expressed it publicly.

"The worst sin we do to our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that is the essence of inhumanity"
George Bernard Shaw

Silence involves acts such as refusing to speak to someone; not to acknowledge what they say; Pretend you can't hear them; distance yourself from them or avoid their company as if they were contagious; ignore their express wishes or needs; or any type of behavior that a person may find invisible or objectionable.

These types of behavior are quite harmful. Not only do they show immaturity, malevolence, and a lack of emotional intelligence, but they can have serious consequences for the other person. Intervening in this behavior is an attempt to control and bully and it does not represent anything positive for a relationship.

The silence can cause stress and emotional trauma

A person who is the target of silence can experience very intense negative feelings. Ignoring a person means that they are worthless, that they don't matter. Things become even more morbid when all of this happens in a cruel and cold silence that the victim does not know how to interpret.

People who are ignored eventually become overwhelmed with feelings of sadness that can sometimes lead to depression. You will also feel anger, fear, and feelings of guilt. Ignoring someone is a way of indirectly accusing them or pointing your finger at them. This is exactly what makes this strategy an unhealthy way to deal with conflict.

Victims of this type of behavior tend to feel extremely distressed. They cannot understand what they are doing wrong or why exactly the other person is treating them that way. It's like they're losing control and that causes a lot of stress. Because of this, it is considered a form of abuse. There is no shouting or hitting, but there is enough violence.

The silence also has physical effects

Studies have been done showing that feelings that are excluded or ignored can cause changes in the brain. A zone of the human brain known as the anterior cingulatus cortex ”is responsible for recognizing different levels of pain. Scientists have proven that this zone is activated when something is done with the silence ”is confronted.

Activation in this zone means that physical symptoms also appear. Some very common symptoms are headache and digestive problems. Fatigue and insomnia are also common complaints. If the situation is severe and protracted, serious problems such as high blood pressure, diabetes, or even diseases such as cancer can arise.

The autoimmune system is also affected, mainly because of the high stress that the situation is causing. The consequences are even worse when the person who is silent is an authority figure such as a teacher, parent, or boss.

Learn to negotiate these types of situations

Sometimes the silence is used by two people who love each other, such as romantic partners, good friends, siblings, etc. Sometimes people think that if they keep silent, the other person is going to change their behavior or do what the other person wants them to do. They almost think of it as an educational tool. However, they are very wrong. Ignoring another person as a form of punishment only destroys relationships.

As with many tactics that are defensive and a result of insecurity, use of them shows very poor communication skills. Silence can be healthy when the mood is tense and you need a break before something worsens the situation. But when we use silence as a control or punishment method, it is abused.

Nobody should accept to be ignored by someone else, at least not without an explanation of their behavior. And no one should try to resolve a conflict with silence. When there is a problem between two people, the only healthy thing is to enter into a dialogue to find solutions. Silence and distance only create more problems and ultimately do not solve anything.

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