I hate sex, am I normal

I keep thinking about sex - how can I change that?

Question: I'm a 22-year-old man, I don't have a steady girlfriend at the moment, but from time to time I have a one-night stand. My problem is that I have to think about sex all the time. That disturbs my work and my behavior in general. Can you give me some advice on how to change that?

Answer: During development, it is normal that there are phases in life that are shaped and determined by the thought of sexuality. If there is also being single, the "pent-up" sexual energy becomes even more pronounced and it determines more and more everyday life. The sexual partner is missing, and longing as well as lust intensify because the inaccessibility of fulfillment further intensifies desires and longings.

Often all that remains is masturbation, known as onanism. She is still fraught with negative feelings, such as B. that it could be harmful or make you sick. Nobody talks about it, but almost everyone does it! In this way, boys and young men not only discover their bodies, with masturbation the boy / man also learns a certain amount of control over ejaculation. With the contraceptive method coitus interruptus ("withdrawal"), which is not safe, but is still practiced, it can have positive effects and a safety-increasing effect if the man has learned when to ejaculate. In addition, by delaying orgasm, a man can better satisfy the woman.

In addition, you shouldn't forget that you are doing yourself good by masturbating, because sexuality is part of life energy, even if you live it out on your own.

You have to differentiate the desire for sex and the desire for tenderness, security and love. Here the sexual energy could be used to become active, because you don't get to know a partner alone at home. If you feel like you are downright obsessed, there are a few ways to deal with it. If you feel almost crazy or ill, that is, if you are suffering, then it is by no means "reprehensible" to go to a psychological counseling center. Where there is "suffering" there is a need to alleviate the suffering or to find a solution.

If the feeling of sexual desire is strong, but you can still live with it, it makes sense to redirect the energies. Sexual power could take on new directions in the form of creativity or inspiration that counteract the frustration of not acting out.


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Dr. Britta B├╝rger, specialist in gynecology and obstetrics

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