What was your happy break

Relationship break: last chance or the beginning of the end?

The temporary separation is the salvation of the partnership for some, it robs others of the last reserves of strength. Does a relationship break make sense?

I need a break ”- who would like to hear this sentence from their partner? The reasons for a temporary separation can be very different - but mostly it is the desire for clarity that should bring a break in the relationship to light. Clarity about your own feelings, about your partner, about your own perspective, needs and desires. If you ask around, the break in the relationship has a bad reputation. People quickly turn up their noses and prophesy the definitive end of the relationship. Certainly, a temporary separation is not what we imagine an intact partnership to be. But we are sure: If some couples had had the courage to take a break from the relationship, they might still be together today - other couples, in turn, would definitely need some distance. One thing is clear: a break was good for many. Many have found each other again. Many things became clear to many during the break. Many are happy again.

What are the reasons for a break in the relationship?

Don't you like coming home anymore?

The evening together with your partner no longer triggers any joy in you? Do you prefer to spend time alone or with friends instead of your sweetheart? A temporary breakup lets you find out whether you still have feelings for your partner and develop longing.

Don't you see the future together?

If you imagine that in five years the situation will be the same as it is now, do you want to run away right away? A break in the relationship can help to find out if it is a bad phase or if it actually reflects reality. It brings clarity, but under certain circumstances also brings the change that you need.

Is it all too much right now?

Sometimes it's really up to you: job, family, friendships - getting everything under one roof can sometimes be overwhelming and lose your focus. Once you have to clarify for yourself where you are right now, a temporary breakup can take some of the pressure off you and bring you back to your own needs.

Are the emotions constantly boiling over?

Is your partner doing everything wrong? How he talks, how he eats, how he does certain things - and you only complain about him and you worry that the walls are shaking? Relationship like this definitely doesn't bring joy. Keeping your distance for a while can lead you to your common ground. After all, you thought the guy was great in all his facets, didn't you?

Has an argument made a big difference?

One of you two really screwed up? That can really shake trust and love. If the relationship is suddenly on the brink and you just need time to recover from the action and think about possible consequences for the future together, the break in the relationship can bring clarity.

Not sure of your feelings?

Although you are aware that you have a really great person by your side and that you make a fantastic team together, you still lack the feeling that it is really love. And not just friendship. Distance can help to wake up feelings again - or it can also bring clarity to the fact that it is not enough for a lifelong partnership.

No reason for the break in the relationship: The separation is already sealed.

Often it is part of the relationship that wants the break. This decision is usually quite hard on the other person - and for both of them a break is often an additional emotional burden. You should be there to think about yourself, your partner and your future together. The desire to continue the relationship should be present in both partners. If it is already clear that this relationship will not last long and that there is no alternative to separation, the line should be drawn directly. A break in a relationship is not a breakup in installments - perhaps so as not to put the partner directly in front of a fait accompli. It is a rescue operation that also requires a lot of courage and will to work on yourself and the relationship. It shouldn't have the goal of taking a few weeks "free" and then returning to the nest, which is actually quite nicely made, or then deliberately disappearing for good.

Relationship break rules: how to behave

Every temporary separation is individual. So that the relationship does not suffer from the different ideas of a relationship break, it should be clarified in advance in a conversation how the break should look like. Yes, as unsexy as it sounds, but you can set up a few rules - provided that both of you agree with the “set of rules”. This can prevent disappointments and false expectations.

Duration of the relationship break:

How long you want to "separate" from each other depends very much on you and your needs. For some, a week is too long, others may imagine several months. In fact, relationship counselors recommend a break of at least two to a maximum of five months. In the optimal case, there is also a spatial separation in the time. During this time it is possible to create space for yourself and to become clear about things. The duration should be determined in advance and a temporary rental should be organized for the time.

Dates, sex and other partners in a relationship break:

For some it would be the immediate reason for separation, for others it would be a means to an end. Some women need a date with another man to see if it's actually as exciting as she has imagined for years. In most cases it isn't. The reverse is also true of course for men. Whether you grant each other this freedom during the time-out should be clarified beforehand - and also whether it should turn into a conversation in such a case or whether everyone should keep their adventures to themselves. Basic trust is a prerequisite for this decision.

Radio silence during the temporary separation:

Couples therapists recommend in any case to shut down communication completely for a while. This is difficult, especially at the beginning, but this is the only way to clear your head and bring the clarity that a break in a relationship should bring to light. This should definitely be discussed in advance and adhered to. This is the only way to avoid expectation that the other person could just get in touch now. What can you do? Make an appointment in advance. Maybe the first time in two weeks. In a short coffee date, open questions can be clarified and the unsaid can be said. But these meetings should also take place without expectation. Maybe it will turn into a date with a great conversation - just like in the past?

Relationship break with children: is that even possible?

Parents find it particularly difficult to deal with the subject of temporary separation. Even if the desire is there, everyday life with a child or children is difficult to cope with alone - and of course you don't want to burden them with a separation of the parents. On the one hand, open and positive communication applies here: the children should know about the parents' experiment, but their fears and worries should be taken away. In addition, it is best for them if they can stay in their familiar surroundings and the parents take turns taking care of the care and living at home. How the communication should look like here must be clarified in advance and appointments strictly adhered to.

What happens after a break in the relationship?

That too shouldn't come as a surprise after the break and should be clarified before the time-out. Of course, there is a desired scenario here and one that one does not hope for from the break in the relationship: the separation. Nevertheless, this scenario must also be played through in advance in order to avoid major disagreements about a final move-out, finances or custody. If the relationship is given another chance after the break, a detailed discussion is still necessary. What needs to change in the relationship so that both partners can be satisfied is now the subject of the conversation. And also what problems may have led to the temporary separation. At this point it is important that both are willing to compromise and openly deal with each other. Do not express any accusations or insults, but rather formulate wishes and suggested solutions.