How do you control your desires

Control emotions - this is how you control your emotions

Our feelings and emotions can often overwhelm us because we think we have no control over them. If you've always wanted to find out what the difference between emotions and feelings is and how you can control your emotions in order to make your everyday life even more effective, productive and, above all, more relaxed, you will find everything you need to know and step-by-step instructions here , with which you bring your inner world of emotions back into balance.

Contents overview

Emotions in everyday life - how they influence our life and self-confidence

Our emotions have enormous power and also affect our everyday actions. With positive emotions we feel relaxed, open, self-confident and satisfied. Negative emotions, on the other hand, often lead us to fall into a downward spiral of dissatisfaction, depression and anxiety.

What you believe becomes what you feel!

In addition, our everyday actions are also influenced by these two poles, because they are decisive factors in how we deal with the various challenges in life. Do we confidently approach things with a “can do” attitude or do we already doubt our abilities before we have even taken action?

So that we can control our emotions and thus also strengthen our self-confidence, basically only a few steps are required. But before we devote ourselves to these concrete steps, we need to be aware of how our emotions arise in the first place and what influences them.

The main difference between emotions and feelings

Have you often wondered how you can control your emotions, but it just doesn't work? That doesn't matter, because feelings are often equated with emotions. But there is an essential difference between these two terms.

A feeling is our innate ability to feel and is linked to our immediate perception. This process of feeling often happens unconsciously, which means that we do not have to think about whether we are feeling or not, but it happens automatically from birth.

What are feelings:

Certain feelings or perceptions such as warmth, cold, hunger, thirst, pain, pleasure, joy, contentment, security are already present in newborns. These basic feelings are therefore present in all people and only differ in their intensity and duration. Feelings also connect us with other people and are a prerequisite for being able to communicate with strangers.

What are emotions:

Emotions, on the other hand, are mental processes and arise from our thoughts, opinions, expectations, ideas, wishes and attitudes. They are, so to speak, the products of our feelings. Emotions are formed and can turn out very differently depending on the person and the situation.

Unlike our feelings, our emotions can often be delusional or inadequate at all. Depending on how our personal ideas or attitudes are designed, both positive and negative emotions can arise. Unrealistic or derogatory thoughts that remain unconscious for a long time can lead to fears, compulsions, listlessness and depression, for example.

Emotions can be controlled and controlled

There is also a widespread misconception that our emotions cannot be controlled and that they even occur randomly. But this is not the case, because we can learn to control our emotions.

This does not mean that we suppress our emotions - on the contrary. But so that more order and clarity can return to our inner emotional world, it is advisable to deal with the stream of thoughts that accompany us every day.

“Are there recurring thoughts that sadden, frighten, or upset me? Do I keep feeling similar emotions that negatively affect my productivity and actions? "

Many of us also believe that we can control our emotions when the external conditions are right. For example, when we win the lottery or finally meet our dream partner. But this shift to possible external conditions that do not take place in the here and now often leads to the fact that we do not feel comfortable in the here and now.

Instead of waiting for personal happiness, it is actually more advisable to create our own personal happiness by changing our thoughts. Because emotions arise within us and not outside. Therefore, as we learn to control our emotions, we will see how much easier and better we feel in everyday life. By constantly becoming aware of our thoughts, we can steer our emotional course in the positive.

The origin of our emotions & feelings

How our thoughts create our emotions

In order to train our consciousness so that we can better perceive our thoughts and feelings, it is helpful to know that we generate our emotions ourselves. A simple but effective guideline that we can internalize serves this purpose:

    It's basically very simple:

  • Positive thoughts result in positive emotions

  • Negative thoughts result in negative emotions


Sounds simple? It is! With the help of this equation we can determine that we are always able to make our satisfaction a reality.

For example, if we realize that our thoughts keep revolving around one thing, which in the end only leads to a dead end and makes us dissatisfied, we can try to break the cycle and structure the thoughts differently so that we can learn to control the emotions .

Negative thought that triggers negative emotions:
“I will definitely never manage to get the new position within the company. I'm just not qualified enough. "

Positive thought that triggers positive emotions:
“I can definitely keep the new position within the company. For this I just need one more qualification. Where and how can I get this new qualification? "

Controlling emotions also means finding new solutions with which we can better master the hurdles of life and achieve our goals more effectively. Our focus is then no longer on what we cannot or what is not available, but rather on how we can achieve our goal and what we need to do so.

The decision which thoughts we accept for ourselves and thus what we ultimately feel is entirely up to us!

With regard to emotions such as jealousy, which can occur in partnerships, it is up to us to decide whether we should give these thoughts (play) space. Because as soon as we let this thought run free, negative emotions can form very quickly.

Negative thought that triggers negative emotions:
“I caught my partner talking to a colleague at a party. Something's going on there ... "

Positive thought that triggers positive emotions:
“My partner was talking to a colleague at a party. I'm happy that they had such a good time. "

If we approach certain situations with a certain rationality, then no negative emotions develop and we remain more relaxed. Therefore, it is important to get more clarity about your own thoughts so that you can better control your emotions!

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Control emotions VS. Suppress emotions

If you try to suppress your feelings, you will find that this is not possible in the long run. Feelings want and should be felt! There is an essential difference between controlling emotions and suppressing emotions.

During our childhood we are educated about which feelings and emotions are desirable or “right” in society and which are not. Back then, when we cried, we were comforted so that we would quickly stop crying, and when we were angry, we were even admonished or punished for it.

Children who have a lot of unrestrained energy are often raised to sit still and go against their natural need for exercise. The simple message behind all of these approaches is simple: strong feelings and emotions are not tolerated in our society. What then often results is the systematic suppression of emotions!

But if we suppress our feelings and emotions or try to switch them off, they eventually become uncontrollable or literally explode again in another place. We recognize this when we suppress our grief, anger, energy or pain over a very long period of time and at some point react very aggressively, nervously or desperately because of a triviality.

Learn to control your emotions instead of suppressing them!

A better and much more useful method would be to learn right from the start how we control our emotions so that they can be channeled more meaningfully. As adults, in the best case scenario, we will at some point deal with no longer suppressing our feelings and emotions and learn again that these do not have to cause fear or uncertainty, but are quite natural.

Various techniques that can be easily integrated into our everyday life help us to find our way back to this natural state.

Learning to control emotions: the 4-step technique

With the help of the following 4-step technique, we can learn to control our emotions and thus ensure more clarity and inner balance.

The 4 steps to better control your emotions:

  • Step 1: Make yourself aware of your (negative) thoughts

  • Step 2: Question your thoughts or your beliefs

  • Step 3: rephrase your thoughts

  • Step 4: Act on these new and positive thoughts


With the first step we provide more clarity and awareness. It can also help if you write down these thoughts in a notebook. You will be able to follow your train of thought very closely and you may even come across some repetitive, negative sentences.

With the second step you can question these negative sentences and make new decisions so that you can control your emotions. Always keep in mind what positive alternatives there are to the previous lines of thought. You will find out how many possibilities and perspectives there are to look at a situation or fact.

The third step is to pave the new way. Therefore, write down the new reformulated thoughts so that you can internalize them better. This technique is called refraiming or reinterpretation in psychology.

What is “refraiming”?

Through the repetition, a new framework is built, so to speak, that grants a completely new perspective on a situation and with which we can control our positive feelings.

The fourth & last step should enable you not only to develop a concept, but also to incorporate what you have learned into your everyday life. As is well known, practice makes perfect! Stay tuned but give yourself the time you need to put these new beliefs into practice.

Continuing to follow these four steps will help you control your emotions. Even with very strong feelings such as anger, sadness or fear, this 4-step technique can be used very well and be extremely helpful.

Practice meditation in order to be able to control your emotions even better

Regular practice of meditation can also offer you additional support. Your attention will be focused entirely on your breathing, your body and the present moment. After a certain time you will notice how everything in you calms down and your mindfulness is trained.

To do this, sit down for about 5-10 minutes every day, close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly and naturally deeply. Just watch your breath. Counting your breaths can also center your focus.

After that you will feel calmer, more balanced and it will be easier for you to control your emotions. You can also extend the meditation units after a certain time in order to achieve even deeper inner calm and focus. For a more detailed & deeper insight into the topic of "meditation", I recommend the following article at this point:

➡️ Learn Meditation - The Ultimate Guide for Beginners

Conclusion: Learning to control and steer emotions

Start today with the newly gained knowledge about what emotions are, how you can learn to control them and what the best 4-step technique is to use in your life and everyday life.

You will see that after a short time the success will be noticeable in your life and you will feel emotionally more stable, clearer and even more self-confident! You will find that you are no longer just a plaything of your emotions, but can control your emotions!

Your attitude towards life and dealing with everyday challenges will be easier to master because you approach it more openly, confidently and positively. This is the incredible power or potential that lies hidden in our emotions and which is just waiting for you to use it to create a more joyful, more successful and more balanced life for you.

I wish you a lot of fun and success on your way!

Use your potential!
Alex Bellon

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