What thing makes a perfect life
A life for the moment, or: a happy life is not a perfect life
Many people have no idea what motivates us bloggers to write an article. Right now I'm listening to Oblivion - M83 with the incredible voice of Susanne Sundfør and I'm overwhelmed by feelings. For this reason I was curious and spontaneously Googled for moving and deep lyrics. While doing so, I found out about the song “Praise Chorus” by Jimmy Eat World in a forum. One user said that this song is all about the topic of “positive present”. I had never heard it before, so I switched to YouTube immediately to be able to form my own opinion.
After listening to it 2 times, I realized that this song is mainly about living for the moment, welcoming every new day joyfully and being here now. As nice as that sounds, there is one line of text that caught my attention in particular: “Things are never gonna be the way you want”. Why did I notice this line in particular? Because it's probably the most negative line in the whole song! It reminds me of a very important fact that, unfortunately, I miss too often, namely the following:
A happy life is not a perfect life
Sounds logical? Maybe. It's not really easy, though, when you're a guy like me, a slightly neurotic perfectionist, so to speak. I like perfect things. I like order. I like perfect systems. I like it when something has a perfect (not necessarily happy) ending. I like clearly structured tasks at work. I like to do things the best I can. I am not overly competitive with others, BUT with myself. When I have decided to do something, I want to do it in the best possible way. If that's even possible, I want perfection.
As we know all too well, there is perfection in the big picture of our livesNot possible. No matter how wonderful, happy, or peaceful your life is, it will never be perfect. NO WAY. As a perfection seeker, it is very difficult for me to accept that. My life will No way to be perfect? Really?! I have to admit, my heart skips a bump when I think about it. We all want a perfect life, don't we? The question, however, is ... do we all accept that we cannot have such a life? I think I'm still working to come to terms with this.
When I write an article like this, I usually do a few days of research and, as luck would have it, I saw the movie Bride Wars there. It only ran on the side, but by chance I just looked up briefly from my online research and heard Kate Hudson's film character say the following (unfortunately, I can't reproduce it 1: 1): "It's exhausting to have to try all the time, perfect to be. I've been doing this since I was a child. I thought nothing bad would happen to me if I made sure that I was always one step ahead of everyone. " Her fiancé replies:
Life is not perfect. In fact, it's pretty messy. And that's good
What if we told ourselves this every day? What if we were surrounded by people who would confirm this statement that we don't have to be perfect? I think I am my worst enemy in this area. I don't think anyone in my life expects me to be perfect. The only one who expects perfection is me. This constant search for perfection comes at a high price: constant dissatisfaction.
Recognizing the problem is the first step towards improvement! Now that I know that I am always striving to be perfect and deep down I believe that one day I will have a perfect life, it is time to confront this problem. No more perfectionism in my life! Perfectionism causes - unsurprisingly - a lot of fears, grief and worries ... and who wants that?
How to stop perfectly and start being happy
Stop criticizing and judging
This is of course a big and important step. If you manage to stop criticizing others and yourself, you will get into perfection mode much less often. Perfection arises from the idea that everything has to have a certain shape. But who says it has to be like that right now? Who says you have to look or act like this? Well, we all live in societies and social groups in which certain standards prevail, but we don't have to always correspond. On the contrary, we can also create our own standards!
Go with the flow
Oh god, this point is particularly difficult for me! I'm just not, I've never been the man who goes with the flow. I like to have everything under control, the reins in hand and like to set the pace. I hate to be the passenger or sit back and relax. But when it comes to the fight against perfectionism, it is very important to learn how to give the scepter out of hand. Life is full of surprises. There will be unexpected twists and turns, and to live a happy life one must be able to cope with these changes. We can't control everything, I have to remind myself of that every day.
Everything in life has a reason
Many of you may not share my opinion, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Even the most terrifying, terrifying incidents in my life taught me something and made me who I am today. It is difficult to think like that in times of crisis and disaster, but it is important to remember that life is what it is. Much is beyond our control, but it is important to believe that one day the reason for what happened will be revealed to us. I always try to learn from all of my mistakes and bad situations. All of these little lessons made me who I am right now.
See life as a whole
Every time I'm nervous or annoyed about something because it's not as perfect as I think it should be, I try to ask myself, “Will this be important in 6 months? In 2 years?" Usually the answer to these questions is "No!" Most of the things that make me wonder don't affect my life in the long run. Emotional wounds heal over time. Even if I am restless and annoyed at the moment, in a few days, weeks, months or years I will no longer have any worries at all. When I find myself angry about little things (which I do more often than I should) then I need to remind myself to look at life as a whole and ask myself, “How important is it? Is it really worth all of this stress and worry? "
Take some time out
Sometimes, when things don't go as I want them to, the best thing to do is to take a break. Distancing myself from a situation helps to gain a fresh perspective. When I work hard to create something perfect, I find it difficult to distance myself from it. I'm at work, I'm focused and don't want to waste time. But if I force myself to take a short break, I usually go to work freshly with new ideas and a new perspective, which in turn helps me not to be so driven by perfection.
Sincerely appreciate what is good in your life
With that, I am returning to an idea I speak of a lot - love yourself. A lot of great things are bound to happen to you that you don't even notice because you are so eager to do everything perfectly. When I'm looking for perfection, I don't take the time to look at my own life and see what's good in it. For this reason I show far too little gratitude. It is really important to realize what is so great about my life and to be grateful for all that and the things, people and experiences in it. Perfection will immediately seem a lot less important to you.
Those of you who are not perfectionists may not fully understand what a heavy burden it can be to always pursue the unattainable goal. As I said before, there is no such thing as a perfect life.
You may have a great life. You may live a happy life. But no one - no matter how hard he or she tries - will ever have a perfect life. I have to accept this fact. To know that life will never be perfect that I will never be perfect, takes away a lot of the pressure. When you know that you cannot be perfect, you no longer have to strive to be perfect. And that sounds pretty good to my ears.
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